Veterans day greetings to all you Iowahawk readers who are current or former members of the United States military, especially my nephew Rick who just returned safely stateside after finishing his second tour in Iraq. My awestruck gratitude for everything you have done for our nation. As a small token of my appreciation, please enjoy this video (Courtesy Laura Vecchio from
Harley-Davidson) of pulchritudinous Marisa Miller getting her patriotism on astride some Milwaukee heavy metal. At ease, soldier! |
Harley has a long history with the military, and Laura informs me they have declared November “Military Appreciation
Month.” Events include some cool appreciations for America’s vets, including a special thank you section on the Harley-Davidson web site and free military-themed swag at participating H-D dealerships (including free pinup calendars of the aforementioned Miss Miller for those with a military I.D.). Read more at iowahawk.typepad.com |
Unless the candidate is me, I have made it a practice to abstain from issuing formal endorsements for political races. In the case of Douglas Hoffman, the Conservative Party candidate for the US Congress in New York’s 23rd district, I will make a happy exception. |
| Canuck reader Maryann Crabtree forwards this photo of the candidate posing proudly in front of his Two Lane Blacktop - worthy 1955 Chevy 210 2-door sedan. Note missing rear bumper. Note radiused rear wheel well. Note nose-up gasser stance. Note the all-bidness custom paint, which appears to be a blend of Hugger Orange and Riverside Red. An educated guess tells me that lurking under the hood is a high winding destroked 301 small block, mating a small journal 327 block with a 283 crank, with a set of Doug Thorley or Hooker headers huffing through glass packs. White ball Hurst shifter atop a Muncie 4-speed, natch. Visual cues indicate this photo was taken circa 1969; Read more at iowahawk.typepad.com |
Congratulations! On behalf of the selection committee, I am pleased to announce that you have been named a 2009 recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize, in recognition of your tireless efforts to STRENGTHEN INTERNATIONAL DIPLOMACY AND COOPERATION . |
I am also pleased to tell you that as a winner, you have been pre-approved for membership in the Nobel Peace Player’s Club, offering exclusive money-saving benefits available only to laureates like you. Please take a few minutes to look over the enclosed enrollment materials. At only $299.95 per year, I’m sure you’ll agree that membership is a bargain at twice the price! Here are just some of the benefits you’ll receive: |
| A handsome 14-karat gold membership crest badge to display proudly on the grille of your limousine or official state aircraft |
| A framed, hand-calligraphed certificate (add $19.95 for gold leaf) |
Barack Hussein Obama is the coming of the Lord! He has taken o’er the banks where all the cap’t’list wealth is stored, He runs all the auto comp’nies save those bastards out at Ford! His lies keep rolling on! |
Glory, glory, hallelujah! Barack Obama is our ruler! Glory, glory, hallelujah! His lies keep rolling on! |
I have seen Him at the podium ‘fore a thousand sycophants, They have built Him fine Greek columns lit with million wattage lamps, He creates a carbon footprint like a herd of elephants: Hypocrisy marches on. |
Glory, glory, hallelujah! Barack Obama is our ruler! Glory, glory, hallelujah! Hypocrisy marches on. |
I have heard fiery gospel of his bully Chief of Staff, “If you criticize my boss then you shall surely feel my wrath! You’ll be branded as a racist, and your home be burnt to ash. The Godhead marches on.” |
| Thanks to new NEA guidelines, anybody can be an artist! Are you a
musician? filmmaker? Web designer? Guerrilla marketer? Graffiti tagger?
HopCore ElectroChill DJ? Freelance vandal? |
Whatever your mode of
expressive behavior the NEA has a sweet load of grant money waiting —
and qualifying has never been easier! Do you have —- an ironic trucker hat?
- ironic facial hair?
- ironic douchebag glasses?
- a vocabulary that includes “bringing utilities” and “mindspace”?
- deep insecurities about your place in the art world hipster food chain?
- a slavish desire to do the bidding of your government?
- no idea what “ironic” really means?
|
Can you — - Follow orders?
- Take a hint?
- Maintain plausible deniability?
- Keep your mouth shut?
Then you just might qualify as a student in one of FAII’s prestigious secret conference call classrooms!
Read the
whole thing. |
Remember — The U.S. Art-my Wants You! |
TRANSCRIPT OF
CONFERENCE CALL OF THE
NATIONAL ENDOWMENT FOR THE ARTS
21-Jan-2007 |
| MR. SMIRNOV: Hokay, it looks like we gots everybodies on the telephone. |
MR. SMIRNOV: Oak Ridge boys, can you puts the phone on mute? Hey, in Russia, phone mutes you! Henghenghenhgg Hokay, now is time to stop for the jokings. For all yous on the phone I am Yakov Smirnov, and I am comedy artist escape from Russia. Now the President Bush he is making me the deputy outreach coordinator for the Nationals Endowments for the Art. What a country! This is why I make this phones call with all of you today. You are all very very important buddies from the Arts community and the Crafts community and the Vegas Lounge and Branson community. Is my job to lets you buddies know how much Mr. President Bush think you doing important Arts and shows. Is totally awesome! Read more at bighollywood.breitbart.com |
Big Cash Clunkers at Pebble Beach
As an auto aficionado, the annual Concours d’Elegance at Pebble Beach — the world’s greatest car show — has always been atop my bucket list. During my weekend boxcar trip out to the coast I finally had the chance to drop in, thanks to lax security and a $6.99 pair of Harbor Freight bolt cutters. I mentioned my gatecrashing plans last week on Facebook, prompting reader Howard Houston to send this artist’s conception, adding: |
| Bystanders reported a vague odor of patchouli in
his wake.” |
Ha! You don’t know the half of it. Please to enjoy some actual photos of the magnificent machinery. |
Best in Show: 1937 Horsch droptop. Horsch was one of the 4 German marques that merged as Auto Union, known today as Audi. Silvery silvery goodness. |
| Another of the marques that made up Auto Union was Wanderer |
| Maybe the prettiest tiny car you’ll ever see. |
| Definite inspiration from Harley Earl’s Buick “Y-Job”, and possibly Dr Suess |
Sidemount tumor on a Duesenberg |
OXFORD – According to a new international study by researchers at Oxford University,
men who agreed to perform housework and cleaning chores were 43.2% more
successful in attracting a long-term female marriage or cohabitation
partner. The study further showed that after winning his lady’s hand,
these same men received fewer and less severe beatings when they
continued household duties. |
Study director Dr Almudena
Sevilla-Sanz said that the study’s results should be a “wake-up call”
to men who subscribe to archaic notions of gender roles in live-in
relationships. |
| “It should be quite clear to men that if they
want to attract a woman into a long-term monogamous relationship,
especially a women with meticulous housekeeping standards, they should
make chop-chop with the brooms and mops and laundry baskets,” said
Sevilla-Sanz.Read more at iowahawk.typepad.com |
Community organizing for me, but not for thee. |
| Linda Douglass, former impartial journalist and current Ministrix of Propaganda, has issued a citizen alert. Iowahawk has the details: |
Greetings citizen! By now you may have heard scattered rumors of state and party officials encountering reactionary resistors at local health care reform information programs. Do not be alarmed, for our 5-year plan for citizen health proceeds without delay. Remain stalwart! The truth can be told at last, that these so-called “protests” are merely the desperate rear flank mob actions of dead-end bandits and saboteurs in the pay of enemy insurance agents. |
| Pay them no heed, for these outside agitators in no way represent any threat to our great patriotic push forward for increased citizen heathfulness! These well-dressed prep school gangsters of reaction seek only to frighten and demoralize and intimidate you, with their confusing “facts” and hob-nailed Sperry Topsiders. Read more at exurbanleague.com |
Remain strong, citizen, for the day of their comeuppance is near! Patriotic spontaneous volunteers from MoveOn.org, Organizing For America, HCAN, SEIU, AFSCME, ACORN, NPR, and MSNBC have all pledged independent grassroots efforts to spread the word about the health-hating tricksters and their transparent astroturf agitation campaign! |
| At the Health Care Town Hall |
| Until we can find the fifth columnists who are leaking this classified information, it is important that you alert security forces to possible organized infiltrators before they enter the building and disrupt the applause sign schedule. Please study the following photos: |
| Note the fine grassroots sanserif display font typography of their signs, spontaneously designed for maximum television legibility. Note that these citizens have coincidentally chosen their signage to color-match with their t-shirts. |
and extreme religious gun extremists.
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Why We Fight
